Unspoken, Untouched and Unworthy

 In the moments, 

Of unspoken, 

I say unsaid things to You,

As if, reading a page from my diary, 

That I assemble in my heart, 

About You, me, You & me, 

In the moments of Untouched, 

I hold You in close embrace, 

Your fragrance encasing me in a spell, 

Your hairs mumbling-jumbling around my neck, 

As I try to bite Your ears and kiss Your lips, 

As gently as I can,

In the moments of Unworthiness, 

I feel the power of Your love, 

Restoring sanity and order, 

In the life full of contradictions,

And I gather fallen bits and pieces,

Unspoken, Untouched, Unworthy,

Moving on..

कश्मकश

कश्मकश,

क्या है लक्ष्य,

वो जो बदलता रहता है हर नए साल,

या छोटी छोटी खुशियाँ,

जो हम बटोरते हैं, आये दिन,

कश्मकश,

क्या मायने हैं जीवन के ,

मायने हैं भी या नहीं,

रोजमर्रा की जद्दोजहद किसलिए,

क्या किसी बड़ी तरकीब के,

हम छोटे छोटे पुर्जे हैं,

कश्मकश,

धर्म और प्रेम, 

जो पराकाष्ठा हैं,

श्रद्धा और निष्ठा की,

क्या है इनकी जगह जीवन में,

केंद्र या परिधि, 

या दोनों के बीच कहीं,

कश्मकश,

मैं, मेरा, मेरे अपने, 

हम सभी, हमारे सभी, 

क्या है प्रेम की सीमा, 

क्या है धर्म की प्रेरणा, 

कश्मकश,

गहन खोज का रास्ता, 

या आसान रोजमर्रा की ज़िन्दगी, 

खोज सतत और निरंतर, 

अनंत असीम विषयवस्तु, ढूँढने के लिए , 

आदतें सरल,

इनके बीच है, 

प्रेम की झलक,

मदिरा का आलिंगन,

कविता, चित्र, 

परिपेक्ष्य की खोज, 

और कश्मकश….

You Are Forever

Long after and long before You met me,

You were part of my being, 

As someone known, 

Yet to meet or yet to be forgotten,

A constant, 

In the dreams and memories, 

Etched like watermarks in stone,

So did it matter, 

When You actually arrived?

Or when You left?

Perhaps not, 

Yes, I felt an exalted happiness when You appeared,

And a terrible loss, when You left, 

But these events were just occurrences,

Because in each molecule of my body, 

You live on,

In my being, 

You are forever….

When We Arrive

When we arrive,

In the moments of stillness,

And time finally stops,

I would want,

You and me,

Forgotten,

Lost in the darkness,

Sleeping in the shadows,

Or flying in the skies,

Or doing other imaginable things, 

Far far away from chains of logic,

But in love still....

Then, Perhaps, You haven’t Lived

If You haven’t lived part of Your lives,

Unreasonable & Unexplained, 

Shrouded in deepest of secrets,

Buried in layers of life,

Making them stories, 

That You will tell in olden times,

Some because they are too old,

Some because You are too old, 

Then, 

Perhaps,

You haven’t lived….

Or haven’t lived enough yet…

स्थिर, अधीर..

बिखर के, सिमट के, थरथराते हुए, 

जब निराधार हो जाता हूँ, 

ख़याल असीमित हो जाते हैं, 

ब्रह्मांड की तरह, 

तो खुल जाती हैं सारी गिरहें,

शून्य में तैरता हुआ मेरा मन, 

स्थिर होता है तुम पर, 

और शुरू होती है विवेचना, 

स्थिर, अधीर, स्थिर, अधीर, 

इतनी विशाल पृष्ठभूमि में बस तुम, 

खूब सोचता हूँ तुम्हारे बारे में, 

फिर सोचता हूँ, 

क्या समस्त दर्शन प्रेम में निहित है,

क्या अस्तित्व का अंतिम लक्ष्य प्रेम ही है, 

माया क्या है,

प्रेम है, ये प्रेम के अतिरिक्त सब, 

फिर सोचता हूँ,

ख़ैर छोड़ो ये बड़ी बातें, 

कल जल्दी उठना है, 

बहुत काम है, 

प्रेम, माया, दर्शन, जीवन, 

स्थिर, अधीर, स्थिर, अधीर...

तुम आना, तुम जाना…

 शौक़ से कभी, कभी यूँही,

लिख लेता हूँ हाले दिल,

बंद कमरों और सर्द हवा के दरम्यान,

कही तो ग़ुबार निकाले दिल,

मर्ज़, मर्ज़ी, मुहब्बत,म्यस्सर,मैखाना,

शराब, यादें, ग़ज़ल, क्या कहेगा ज़माना,

पर,

तुम आना, तुम जाना, 

मुझे भी ना बताना…

Sometimes

In deepest corner of my heart,

I feel a longing,

Unending, flickering all the time,

Sometimes a book, few fine words in it,

Touch deepest of my heart,

Quenching and burning desires,

Sometimes a beautiful memory,

I re-live, in my imagination,

Memories of happiness and sadness,

Memories that stayed, as reservoirs of reference,

In despair or happiness alike,

Sometimes a beautiful movie,

That re-plays things i experienced,

Or things that I wished to experience,

Swells within me, a surge of emotions,

Bringing few moments of release, in routine of entrapment,

Sometimes I simply think of You,

Your imperfections,

That brings forth litany of grievances, 

And Your smile,

Which settles them,

Sometimes in farthest of my imagination,

A world of timelessness floats,

At times still, at times moving,

Pictured in white and blue,

Between a sea and a mountain,

With untethered me and You,

Times of these 'sometimes',

Are treasures i store,

In my words, in my songs,

In my seas, in my shores,

Sometimes.....

Reflections

In my reflections,

Across the mirror,

That I often imagine in mind,

While auditing actions in my life,

I have these strange diversions,

A fleeting happiness,

That touches and goes,

Summoning pleasures hitherto unknown,

A fleeting scare,

Of losing it to Universe,

All this amid a permanence, called

The equanimity of rest of life,

There are moments when I think,

Why did you come? Or 

How could it happen?

Then

Moments when I wish,

It was all a dream,

Moments come and go like a tidal wave,

Rising within or subsiding without,

Till we meet,

And melt into each other,

Leaving behind all darkness and doubts,

You and I wither, 

Maybe it will be a great love,

Or the greatest sorrow of this life,

But this I am certain,

These are moments I was living for,

Hoping in my hopes,

Dreaming in my dreams,

For something as beautiful and pure as morning dew,

You....

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder,

Will I always talk of you in riddles,

And you of me,

Or we will someday hold each other,

For all to see, beauty of our love,

Whether this love is of moments,

Or years,

Or lifetime, 

Or lifetimes,

I wish you were always there,

With me, around me,

To be looked at, 

Held, hugged, kissed,

In my arms, or missed,

To be read like a book,

Or written like a poem,

Touched like the water,

Within and without,

Or smelt like the air,

That's everywhere,

In it, around it and in it, 

I want my eternity,

You seeping in me,

I seeping in you...

कविता

 जड़ में कोई जीवित है तो कविता,

इसमें लिखे शब्द,

जीवन और अजीवन के फ़र्क़ को,

सूक्ष्मता से नकारते हैं,

जैसे जीवित होने के लिए सदैव तैयार,

मगर अन्यथा अजीवित, 

कई दिनों तक पुस्तकों के बीच,

अवेग, स्थिर, अंतरित, 

फिर पाठक के मिलते ही,

सजग, कोमल और जीवित, 

कुछ शब्दों से एक दृश्य बन जाता है,

कई दृश्यों से एक वाक्य, 

कई वाक्यों से एक कहानी,

जो स्पर्श कर जाती है, कभी,

जो अंतरंग हो जाती है कभी, 

बनके मन का स्तंभ, 

कभी ख़ुशबू प्रियतमा की,

कभी आलिंगन, 

कभी अंतर्मन का गहरी कामना को जीवन दे देती है कविता, 

पर कभी पाठक और लेखन के मध्य का गुप्त मिलन,

ज़ाहिर नहीं होने देती है कविता..

Question About Life

Do questions assail You, 

About life, it’s purpose, the very nature of our existence?

What are we, 

A tool playing our part in a giant show, 

Or free will charting our own path,

Or free will look-a-like, contained by,

Rules, expectations, said and unsaid, 

Is everything around us living, 

Connected by an infinite web of unseen energy, 

Where possibly everything can move us, 

And we can move everything, 

Or the living is littered by dead, 

Roads, buildings, stores and homes, 

Or homes are alive, 

Because we make it so, 

And what about love, 

Most solemn of all emotions, 

Is it natural animal attraction, 

Ordained for pro-creation, renamed intelligently, 

Or is it a threat to schema of natural balance, 

With its unpredictability and force, 

Charting the unexpected, 

Through expression of Ultimate will, 

Or is it the natural balance,

Keeping the worst of animal emotions in check, 

Though purity and purpose, 

Unchaining and liberating at once,

Do, or, and, is, are, 

Questions and questions, 

And hope that perhaps, 

Some of the answers are correct…..

Where am I

Where am I,

In those moments of stolen happiness, 

Beholden to my heart, 

When the world, rest of it, is at pause, 

Or in those seized moments, 

Of rushing from morning to night, 

Most hours scripted to a plan, 

Updated every day, 

Or in those moments, when I wander, 

From one state to another, 

Unscripted, free, 

In a state of suspended animation, 

Where am I?

Caged in unsaid rules of faceless people, 

Ordained to live an ordinary life, 

Till end of consciousness, 

Or destined to break the shackles of invisible, 

To spread my wings into vastness of imagination, 

Unstoppable, infinite, 

Where am I…

Pages of My Books

I distil my impressions,

In pages of your books,

Half worried, that you will discover them,

Half hopeful, that you indeed will,

I write 'beautiful', 

And hope that you will find those lines beautiful,

I write 'it touched my heart',

And I hope it will touch yours too,

As I progress through the pages,

On each I imagine you and me as characters,

Sometimes you are Muse,

Waiting for me in agony,

Sometimes I am Dandy,

Stealing your heart,

Words after words,

Pages after pages,

You linger in my thoughts, 

As if you were reading the book with me,

Smiling at all beautiful lines,

Crying at sad ones,

The time stops,

When you enter the room,

And i steal a moment,

Looking at you through corner of my eyes,

Half worried that you will see me,

Half hopeful that you indeed will...

In This Old Building

In this old building,

Filled with so many stories,

I choose to see love and life,

That has remained in these withered woods,

So many hearts,

That must have melted at the sight of neatly aligned trees across these windows,

Fresh rain clattering on the leaves,

Reassuring that all the dust of past will be washed away,

Gusts of winds, 

That would have calmed the fears of unknown,

Creepers that would have climbed like a web,

Just like your love has done to me,

It's here, in my loneliness,

I ask what you are to me,

I think of you as a heartfelt poem,

Morning dew on which I walk barefoot,

A sky filled with stars that I see lying in desolate places,

A head leaned on my shoulders,

A hand clutched in mine,

A kiss that melts the world away,

A time machine that takes us to a lush green meadow,

As the rain, the wind, Creepers and your love,

Do their magic,

And my heart is filled,

With enough love, 

I wish the power of my words,

Meets the melancholy of your absence,

And we make peace,

In this old building

Until Life does Us Apart

In the confines of small spaces,

I felt the vastness of Your heart,

A fiery, explosive chemistry,

And plenty of love,

Was it the kiss that melted me into You,

Your fragrance that encapsulated me in your spell,

Your nose or eyes or ears,

Guardians to a fine treasure,

Or was it my love,

Compressed, bottled up,

Used to sobriety of our conversations,

That unleashed in those moments of pure passion,

Touch of your gentle lips,

Wetness of our first kiss,

Taste of your lipstick,

All more than I could wish,

But then I am assailed by fears,

Is this too good to last decades not years,

Will you remember me if you go far,

Will you wish for me if you see a broken star,

Will you see my face in rear view mirror of your car,

Will you miss me like I do, when you are not around,

Will you hear my words, in the midst of noise and sound,

About all these and many more questions, I assure my heart,

Maybe we will live a dream, 

Until life does us apart ...

You and Me

In your voice,

Always bubbling with excitement,

Your quick wit and sarcasm,

And even your mercurial anger,

Rising fast and falling faster,

I sense beauty unparalleled,

That which never escapes attention,

Are your eyes, 

Your big purposeful eyes,

Sometimes mischievous, sometimes determined,

Settling my gaze, smoothening my rough edges,

At times I imagine, that with your best heel, 

You will hit my nose,

Your small frame, that I can wrap my arms around,

Comforts me, in an ironic way,

That perhaps I will never be inadequate for You,

That you always lead,

In matters of heart, 

Rings a finality, that I have always missed,

Tired of leading and failing,

I guess i can't go wrong this time,

Then there are those complicated questions,

That you float in air,

Unsettle me, make me wretched and numb at times,

But then you dive back in with Your soothing voice,

And I feel we are in it together,

Is it too soon?

Have we come too far?

The door inside Your heart is still close or ajar?

Is a story a tidal wave or a broken star?

Do we have fuel to go very very far?

 

Sometimes when the thoughts echo into spiral of these unanswered words,

I hold your hand,

One hand, another hand,

And the moment really stops,

In those moment of stillness,

Frozen and forgotten,

I want my life to be,

Frozen with you, 

Forgotten with you...

Unhooked...Hooked

Just like olden times,
I went to the corner across your house,
To see if you were out there,
Sitting in your verandah,
With eyes swollen,
From sleep or lack of it,

Sunlight reflected from corner of your house,
Brightening the foreground,
While some chirpy birds there could hardly understand,
My longing for silence,
Yet fallen leaves from banyan tree made me sad,
As if trying to make up for birds,

As i moved closer,
I could see a window half open,
And i wondered if you were sitting there with moist or bright eyes,
But smiling as always,
Some days on me,
Some days for me,

Every inch was filled with memories,
Some old,some older,
Each turning alive as I passed by,
And then slowly returning to their place,
So real as if they were happening,
Right across my eyes,

The time in my skin has aged,
But those moments with you,
Have frozen in time everywhere,near or far,
Always open to my exhortations,
To awaken and glide with me,
Unhooked from reality,
Hooked into imagination,
And the life goes on,
Unhooked....Hooked.....
Unhooked....Hooked.....

Dreams

At times you wake up in night,
Remembering someone who is always in your thoughts,
Except when the deep slumber takes you to some mystical dreamland,
Of forts, rivers,meadows,blue waters and crimson sky,

Secrets of your dreams puzzle,
While cravings of your heart soar,
But then your mind is besieged,
With thousands of questions,

As the battle rages within,
It sinks your heart,
And you slowly slide back into your bed,
Into your sleep,
Into your dreams...

Flying

Let me tell u a story,
Of the times when i m flying,
Like a bird, into the skies,
My heart fills with thousand thoughts,
Of love and life,
And so many lies,

I look at the earth,
Petrified,
Wind engulfs me,
And then i dive,
Submitting to a time of nothingness,
Before i fly again,

One day i may dive,
Very proud of myself,
Find my door into the other world,
Still proud of myself,
Jumping, shouting,trying,
And again flying...